Friday, May 17, 2013

"The Vow"

so I just got done watching the movie "the vow" its about this couple that get into a car accident and the women forget her husband completely even her whole life. It made me that what if something like that happens to me what If I die or forget my memories or something horrific. My child will have nothing to remember me. they will never remember my voice or know how much I absolutely love them. It breaks my heart even thinking about it. I don't like to think of death.. the thought that one day i will not be here and not knowing how it will happen scares me to my core. I want to live a full life I want to die of old age i want my kids to out live me I don't want to know how it feels not to have them in my life. But in reality you never know how life will turn out you just have to live life one day at a time because you never know what could happen the next minute the next hour the next day the next year.if you sat and just comtuplated that you would go crazy. So i think I really need to start to write more. i need to make sure that IF something does happen to me my kids will be able to know who I am and what I have gone threw in life. And even my family because If they feel like i feel this will bring them comfort. but where to start my childhood,my adult life or right here right now. I guess all children want to hear about there parents childhood right. some of my first memories of my life are with my siblings. I remember my older brother and sister pushing me and my brother Jeremy to pick fights with each other at the time I thought I had to because my sister told me to I really looked up to her. i did whatever she wanted. although Im sure she has a handful of times that I didn't. we are 8 years apart my sister and I and I remember growing up and how huge that gap was. she never wanted to be around me I was the little sister that wanted to take all her fun away. I can't blame her though. My parent depended on her to always take care of us and when she finally got some time away for herself I wanted to tag along. and I was honestly because I loved her so much and wanted to be her so much that I had to spend ever waking moment with her. even now As i sit here I still look up to her more then ever. She is the person I go to for everything she is the one i look for advice to vent to laugh. being away from her is like being away from a part of my heart.and she never stops looking after me. she always just wants me to be happy. who could honestly ask for a more amazing sister. well thats all i have for tonight i hope to right again soon

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