Saturday, May 18, 2013
Jar of Hearts
flowers. one of the many things I love about this earth. I don't know if anyone ever noticed how much I love nature. Most of my photography is nature. I love to smell the outdoors the look of the green leaves on the brown hard bark. such contrast. I remember when I was a child I absolutely loved going to the river. I would sit and just stare as the water flowed wondering how this water just went on and on.its a blessing in reality I see the things not everyone takes the time to see in the busy lives. I make sure I take at least 10min out of my day to just look outside or to take in a deep breath of the air. I hope to one day be able to see other parts of the world that are beautiful... there I went on a tangent of nature when I meant to tell you that I got flowers today from Michael. probably one of the sweetest things he does for me. I remember when I was 18 telling people that I wanted fake flowers because " they lasted longer". I said that because the man I loved never got me flowers and when he did they were wooded and I thought it was so sweet but the best thing is the smell. you cant get that in fake flowers. that is why I love Michael he try so hard to make me soo happy and it works I love looking at those and know he does it out of love. I love this man I married. the man I was in love with back then was the most important person in my life. he was by far the greatest love of my life back then and even now he will always have a part of my heart. But I guess that's what happens when you marry someone they leave there mark even when they leave you. Its no shock that he left only 9 months after we got married. I thought my life was so great then. I love that we had dogs and cats and a beautiful ALWAYS clean home. i was an amazing wife always making sure he had food and his clothes were clean. we use to go to a laundry mat and had fun. so when i found out that he was texting a 14 year old girl I thought "what am I doing wrong" we never fought I thought we were happy. after telling him to stop texting her and then going to see my sister because she was having her baby he asked me for a divorce. he couldn't even do it to my face he just kept saying i don't love you i don't love you. such a swift change in 2 weeks. I went thru a long time of trying to figure out what happened. why did he choose her over me?? what did she have that i didn't? and after 5 year still wondering I am no longer bitter or angry. i think it will always be a puzzle I cant solve but If i let myself stay in that place where I wonder i wont more forward and I deserve to be happy. He should be happy. I guess by telling you this Im saying life doesn't alway stay the way you plan. people change you life changes you can't dwell on the past because there is still sooo much life to be lived. and who know there might be something so much better out there for you. Look at me I am married to the most amazing man. and I have you beautiful children to make me so happy. And you may have never happened if I didn't go thru the things that I went thru. I know that it might hurt at the moment and for days and for months and years but one day it won't hurt anymore. and just because it doesn't hurt doesn't mean all your feeling will go away there will always be a part of you that will be fond or care for that person and you know what that's ok. you hearts are big enough to love everyone. your just have to accept it and LIVE LIFE!