Thursday, October 24, 2013


I want to leave a legacy in case anything happens to me. but what do I have that is a legacy? i didn't finish school i don't have any amazing job or anything. But you know what I do have? I have strength. I have a 4 year old autistic son whom I love so much but it is so hard everyday for him and for me. I have to have the strength to know that I can be there for him every step of his life. teaching him that I can love him and cuddle him when appropriate and also teach him that he has to stand on his own to feet. I have to figure out when I should let him be with "normal" people and when to put him with people who can help him when he needs it. These things are so hard that I stress over whats best for my son. on top of that I have two wonderful 19 month old girls who are very normal. I have to be a completly diffrent mother to them. I have to be not a special needs mom but a regular mom and that to is really hard. I am so use to being the special mom I feel i am hindering them from the proper development. So I feel like I have to start all over again. I feel like i need to read one of those parenting books cause I have no clue. and no one is going to come to do session with them once a day and help them with there stuff. what if I fail what if they aren't smart and don't learn things because I have no Idea what I am doing. what legacy will i have for them then. I want More than anything in this world is to know that I have had the strength and I have raised smart strong children. can I do that?? i guess online time will tell but I need to be raw about this. these fears and worries are a lot for me to put out there. I wonder if anyone reads this blog I wonder if anyone will know the things I go threw. At least I know. at least I have said something somewhere.

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