"The Vow"

so I just got done watching the movie "the vow" its about this couple that get into a car accident and the women forget her husband completely even her whole life. It made me that what if something like that happens to me what If I die or forget my memories or something horrific. My child will have nothing to remember me. they will never remember my voice or know how much I absolutely love them. It breaks my heart even thinking about it. I don't like to think of death.. the thought that one day i will not be here and not knowing how it will happen scares me to my core. I want to live a full life I want to die of old age i want my kids to out live me I don't want to know how it feels not to have them in my life. But in reality you never know how life will turn out you just have to live life one day at a time because you never know what could happen the next minute the next hour the next day the next year.if you sat and just comtuplated that you would go crazy. So i think I really need to start to write more. i need to make sure that IF something does happen to me my kids will be able to know who I am and what I have gone threw in life. And even my family because If they feel like i feel this will bring them comfort. but where to start my childhood,my adult life or right here right now. I guess all children want to hear about there parents childhood right. some of my first memories of my life are with my siblings. I remember my older brother and sister pushing me and my brother Jeremy to pick fights with each other at the time I thought I had to because my sister told me to I really looked up to her. i did whatever she wanted. although Im sure she has a handful of times that I didn't. we are 8 years apart my sister and I and I remember growing up and how huge that gap was. she never wanted to be around me I was the little sister that wanted to take all her fun away. I can't blame her though. My parent depended on her to always take care of us and when she finally got some time away for herself I wanted to tag along. and I was honestly because I loved her so much and wanted to be her so much that I had to spend ever waking moment with her. even now As i sit here I still look up to her more then ever. She is the person I go to for everything she is the one i look for advice to vent to laugh. being away from her is like being away from a part of my heart.and she never stops looking after me. she always just wants me to be happy. who could honestly ask for a more amazing sister. well thats all i have for tonight i hope to right again soon

who knew that life could be such a blessing! I was really scared when my mother left to go back home. I didn't know if I could do it on my own. I was worried I would lose my mind but when that day came and I was all by myself I just took a breath got out of bed and went head first into my new life. And I was a rockstar! =)It came so easy and I didn't even freak out once. They are not almost 4 months and I am still taking my role as SAHM in strides. I do still have days when I need to just sit in my bedroom and breath but I mean what mother doesnt! My life is so blessed! Isaac was dignosed offically with Autistic disorder. I guess I always knew but up until we went to the doctor a small part of me hoped he was just a little behind. So when I found out offically it was like it hit me all over again. My son is special. He is bright and loving and such an amazing little boy. somtimes you cant even notice that there is somthing off about him. I hope that in the future I can learn as well to talk this new part of my life in stride but for now I am completely overwhelmed with trying to get him all the help he needs. The girls are doing amazing they giggle and move around all the time. Gabriella got her first tooth already and she is so young. I am very blessed to have children that teeth so well lol.

Updating my life

I now have 2 beautiful little girls named Isabella and Gabriella. These past 2 months have been such a roller coaster! I had my mother out here for the first month it was such a blessing. She helped me get organized in my house and helped me with everything. I really wish I would have had my sister out here as well I miss her so much and it hurts my heart to know that She will not to see my girls till they are almost 9 months and I hate that. I want to be near her all the time. anyways After my mother left I was so terrifed I was not going to be able to do it. I worried I would break but I really just took it in stride. I got back in my grove and I have been so blessed. The girls sleep and eat wonderfully and they are so cute each with the own personality. My biggest challenge is trying to find the time to spen with Isaac. He loves the girls but is taking his jealousness out on me and he's father. It hurts sometimes cause I know that he is really just trying to tell me he wants me all to himself and the girls take up all of my time. I hope that once they become less dependent on me that I can find more time to spend with him. i love him so Much.

21 weeks...

21 one week pregnant with twin girls is nothing like 21 weeks pregnant with 1 boy. I know people say all the time "every pregnancy is diffrent" but I never imagined this diffrent. I have the start of carpul tunnel, I cant sleep, and my feet are starting to swell. My body Honestly looks like Im ready to pop with one baby. it really scares me to try and think what I will look like when im 30 or 35 weeks pregnant!but Im so blessed to have this experiance that not so many people get!

oh how life can change in a instant!

So here I am reading my last blog and OH my I was so wrong. As most of you know shortly after I wrote that blog Me and Michael did concieve a child...well Make that 2 child. yes ladies and gentalmen I am pregnant with twins. And Now I can tell you I am so thrilled to be hav ing twins but when I found out I did cry lol. Its scary to Imagine all the things that you need for 2 children. it can be kinds of intimadating if you think about it ALL the time. I have come to just trying to Enjoy this pregnancy even though it is much harder then the last one. I am sick and tired ALOT more. But hopefully that will get better. we are due in march! I pray the lord every night that one of these wonderful babies are a girl oh PLEASEEEE be a girl.

Isaac is now in a developmental preschool. He loves it and I love it cause its 3 hours that I get to do all the things I need to. The teacher is very nice and I feel like he is learning things already. Although I must say that it was hard the first couple days and I do still miss him during those couple hours. he is my Little man and I want to spend all the time with him I can. well that all for now i will keep you all posted.

update or down date??

So its been about 4 months sense my last update on here. I want to say everything is perfect but I can not. so I'm gonna go down the line and let you know how everything has played out sense march. I hope you are ready for it.


First of I have a job now. I work at Cinebistro In the peninsula town center. For all who don't know this is a movie theater/bar/pool Hall/restaurant/bowling ally. I know its alot of slashes. But this job has actually be my second favorite job (my first being Hastings). I get to see free movies all the time and I meet 2 new friends and now there like my best friends. So I am definitely happy in the work department.

Next we have the "baby making" department. Me and Michael have been trying sense April of this year. Sense My period in April I have not had a period. I know most of you would think this is a fantastic thing cause it means I'm pregnant right?? well after 10 test at different times they have all said no. I still need to go to the doctor and get a blood test but if that is also negative then I am going to be a sad. That means that I have no ovulated in almost 3 months and that is bad for trying to make a baby. I want in my heart to be pregnant again but I feel like its not gonna happen any time soon.

Next on the list is My dearest son Isaac. As you have know from my last post was that Isaac has not spoken well sense then nothing has changed. He still does not talk but I do know why. My son Is developmental delayed in all areas of development beside gross motor skill. hes ranging at a 12 month old child. Which is not good. we have him in a program called EPIC which brings people into the home to help him with everything that he does. He has a speech therapist that comes every other week and then a Occupational therapist that comes every week. On top of that we are trying to get him into a preschool that for kids like him and he has been going Thur evaluation s for that as well. It is all very hard to deal with by myself because Michael works alot. But we have been making progress he still does not talk. I Stress about this every night knowing that if I don't give him enough attention and work with him enough that he might be delayed even more. that is so much to put on my shoulders but has made me so much stronger.

the last and best thing that has happened to me this year so far is that I finally got married to Michael !!! I am so happy that we are together. he is the best man I have ever met. And whats even better then this is that I am no longer married to the horrible man. I am free of him which makes my life better. thank you lord for everything you have given me and I pray that you continue to look after this family!

I suck.

So I am looking at all the post I have already wrte and not one thing I have done that I said I was going to do. No school, no big weight loss, no house no nothing. Instead I have lost like 5 pounds, we are moving into another apartment, and I dont have any plans to go to school cause of work and everything. The only thing I can say we are going to be doing is trying to have another baby in june. But what does that say for what I really wanted to do with my life. I wonder if I will ever be able to do something productive with my life.will I ever be proud of anything else beside being a mom. don't get me wrong that will always be the most thing I am proud of but I mean i want to say I finished high school, I went to college, I lost all the baby weight. will it ever happen?*sighs* well on a better not Isaac is a year and a half now. He is walking all the time but is still not talking. OH but he is sooo smart you can just see when he is thinking about doing something. He is always trying to do new things and learn how to do thing. He is brillants just like his daddy lol. He has his 18 month well check up appintment this wensday! I get so excited for the appointments to see how much he is growing and everything. He really is everything I will ever need. well I am off to bed. I am quite tired...crap never mind gotta stay up till 12 to pick up michael..what bull lol